If the new album, Night Work, by the Scissor Sisters was the soundtrack to a movie, in my imagining, this is how things would play out.
1. Night Work – Movie opens to a young gay in the last part of his day at the office. You see it’s a warm summer Friday in New York City. As the track plays, the movie breaks into a series of montages showing our hero as he is praying for the work day to end and his Friday night to begin. Flashes of mundane work, tapping his pen anxiously against his coffee cup, mindlessly wandering around the office as he very impatiently waits for 5 PM. 5 bells toll as our hero races out of the office and onto the waiting street below.
2. Whole New Way – With our hero now on his way to a night of absolute debauchery, he steps onto the train and starts to think about…him. He is always there at the bar, standing just out of reach. He’s absolutely beautiful and fills our heroes head with more than one thought of an impure nature. He’s the illusive 11 to our hero’s solid 6. He is the man that will make everything right. He is the man to take home to the parents. He is beautiful and is what everything good is for in this world. One day, maybe one day, our hero will introduce himself.
Making it uptown to his apartment, our hero has time to make a plan and make things ready for the night. He goes through his closet to find the clothes that are going to fit just right and accentuate every positive he has. He is going to need every tool in the tool belt tonight because it is going to be one for the record books. He lays his clothes out and goes about his business until it’s time to get ready.
3. Fire With Fire – Stepping out of the shower feeling triumphant and more than ready to take on the world, our hero dresses in his best club cloths. Checks himself out in the mirror and feels his 6 steadily raising to an 8. There’s nothing in this world he can’t do and with epic fabulousness, he is going to have a night like never before. He takes the train to the bar and walks inside with a strut to match no other.
Once in the club, our hero begins to make his rounds where he is met by the most unusual cast of characters one would ever to meet in a public place. Even though the majority of these people are merely set dressing, they still make up the colorful world of excess our hero is about to enter.
4. Any Which Way – Meet Andy. Andy has just turned 21 and is from somewhere in the Midwest. Not only is he fresh to New York, he is also fresh to being gay. That being said, not only does his flame burn brighter than anyone whose flame has ever burned before but he falls head over heels in love with each and every one night stand he meets. Dancing like no one’s business people watch as he spins madly out of control, as he is making the same decisions as a million young gays before him.
Keeping his distance from Andy, our hero makes his way through the crowd to the bar where is greeted by:
5. Harder You Get – Klaus Von Bussem, in his best leather drag (ass-less chaps, chain harness, leather jockstrap, jack boots and captains hat.) steps into view as he slaps his gloved fist with a riding crop and our hero is confronted with all of this…well…this business. Klaus puts on a show in the public eye that paints him out to be the most dominant top on the face of the planet but get him back to his loft in Soho and you have to be careful as his legs pop into the air otherwise your jaw might become dislocated.
Not interested in the least bit in a night of sweat, poppers and New Car Smell, our hero makes his way to the bar where our next couple are stationed.
6. Running Out – Justin and Jamison DeMarco. Aging club kids that partied at CBGB in the early 80s and 54 before that. Andy Warhol has sniffed coke off Jamison’s ass and Truman Capote came on Justin shoe in the basement of 54. That is the closest as either of these two queens have come to instant stardom but the residual stories they’ve been able to tell based off the experiences have given them cred for years. Now 51 and 53 respectively, these aging homosexuals are trying everything they can to stay relevant in a world that has no time or place for them anymore.
Wanting nothing to do with a history lesson, our hero flags down the bartender to order a drink when his vision is blocked by a pair of combat boots stomping and swaying to the rhythmic pulse of the music. Looking up, he sees:
7. Something Like This – Tommy Sunshine, or Thomas Lloyd – to his family, is the IT go-go boy of the minute. Everyone wants to be him, be in him or just be with him. Unfortunately, his brain is so muddled with the copious amounts of Tina he’s been putting up his nose, he doesn’t know which way is the right way up. His short term memory is blown as is his sphincter from spending too many unconscious hours in a sling in the back room.
With drink in hand, our hero moves away from the bar to see if he can find “him”. Snaking his way through the crowd he is pleasantly surprised to see our next patron. One of the few people he is actually happy to see, our hero quickly delivers two Eurpean kisses to each cheek of:
8. Skin This Cat – Anastasia Dumorne, the most fabulous drag queen to ever grace the stage. Not only do all the straight boys love her but the women and the gay boys. She has a quality that makes her desirable to everyone. Not only is she a beautiful woman, but she is one of the most rare of all drag queens. When the makeup comes off he is a gorgeous man as well. She is dressed in a tight red pleather catsuit and dances around our hero not working for tips or drinks, just being.
After spending a moment in the luxurious glow of our favorite tranny, Hero continues his adventure through the crowd. He knows “he” is here. It’s a Friday night. Everyone, as you may well have noticed is here. Walking back to the bar to have his beverage replenished, he is practically smashed into the man in the corner by a throng of partiers. He turns to apologize to the man in the corner when he feels a spark of recognition. He thinks for a minute and realizes:
9. Skin Tight – You’d never see him unless you were looking for him but there he is, in the corner of the bar, one drink away from crying into his High Ball. You’ve seen him there before but you never paid attention to him. You don’t even know his name but you’d know if he wasn’t there like you would miss a piece of furniture you’ve seen every week. On the surface he seems to be a pretty non assuming middle aged guy but you scratch the surface and you unleash a world of codependence. He’s moved into your tiny apartment before you’ve both finished your drinks. He has the holidays planned out and he knows where you are spending your vacations.
Upon getting his refill he steps back into the flood of sweat and sex perfuming the air and locks eyes with a man so beautiful it is painful to look too long. Deciding not to glare for too long, Hero looks one more time and is met with deadly eyes that seem a bit too cold but he decides to take it all in quickly and realizes:
10. Sex and Violence – Simply put, the devil in the latest from Armani or Gucci. Money is never an object as he has been successful not only in business but also the market. He is a man of distinction and taste - Only the best for him, expensive single malt scotch or aged burbon. Neat. He is beautiful, powerful and dangerous. You want to approach him but you can see a darkness surrounding him so you move on. Others may not be so lucky and the missing persons reports will start to turn up in the next few days.
11. Night Life – Tired of being assaulted by all the wrong people, our hero decides to throw caution to the wind and dance. Dance like he’s never danced before. There is no one else around and he is the only one in the world on the dance floor at this very moment. Until he feels something brushing up against him ever so gently. He opens his eyes as he spins around. It’s him. The one. The man that dreams are made of and he is keeping time with our hero. When did this happen. When did Mr. Perfect even see him. How did he know he existed. Shocked and taken aback, our hero slows for a moment before picking the pace back up. Dancing in unison, our lovers start to become one. The world falls away as the night sweeps them into the world.
12. Invisible Light – Running toward the train, our lovers depart into the subterranean world of tunnels and speeding metal. Taking the train uptown to our hero’s apartment is the best answer as the heat of lust and passion fill the still air of the subway platform. Remembering the cavalcade of characters that made this night eventful, our hero’s head is filled with so much he can’t believe what’s happening. Throwing the door open to his 5th story walk up, our lovers barely make it through the door with their clothes on. The rest of the night is filled with exploration and pleasure as they intertwine over and over. What our lovers don’t know is this is only the beginning of what will become many, many years of love.