Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I want your sex.....actually, I really don't

I think my ideals toward sex and sexuality have changed greatly over the past year or so. When Sean and I were together, our sexual exploits weren't anything that an editor at Penthouse would want to see and because of this, I think our subsequent attempts at a vigorous sex life was anything but stellar. Early on in our relationship, I made the statement that if you aren't getting what you need at home, you're going to get it somewhere else. That was my stance on cheating and it still is. If you are not participating in and being an active partner in your sex life at home, then you have no right to call the cards on the partner that goes outside the home. So with all that being said, I didn't find it all to shocking when my suspicions were realized and my happy marital bed wasn't so happy anymore.

Probably about 2006 is when we pretty much gave up the charade and stopped all together so 5 years ago is when I really stopped having sex. Does this upset me, somewhat...I guess. Is sex something I'm eagerly seeking out...no not so much because I am not comfortable in my own skin and until I can get there, I don't think I am going to be interested in it. I guess that makes me asexual. Funny, I gave a fiend so much shit over that label and now I am the one to adopt it as well.

Another thing that kind of bothers me is the proclivity of gay men to only want to talk about sex en masse. There are so many other things I would rather talk about but I guess I am the odd one out in that group now. I think another reason that I am not interested in sex at all is because of my weight and my testosterone levels. I am sure they are very low, if measurable at all. So here I am single and not interested in sex. I never thought I'd say that. After years of being as close to the "Whore of Babylon" as I was and now I am celibate. Interesting how things work.

So here I am, sexless and alone and I'm ok with it. I don't think there is going to be a huge shift in the geosynchronous orbit of the Earth or anything in the cosmos changing or realigning...it's just me and I'm still cool with that